Befriending Volunteering for Lonely Older Neighbours

Margaret, who lives four doors down from me, once told me that from Friday afternoon to Monday morning the only voice she heard was the radio. She was 84, sharp as anything, and entirely alone after her husband died. Befriending volunteering exists for people like Margaret, and it asks less of you than almost any other volunteer role: often one hour a week, a cup of tea and a willingness to listen.

I have coordinated befriending volunteers for six years and been one for longer. Here is how befriending works in practice, what the schemes look for, what the first few visits feel like, and the honest mistakes I see new volunteers make, including one piece of widely shared advice I think is wrong.

What Befriending Volunteering Actually Involves

A befriending scheme matches a volunteer with one older person who is lonely or isolated, then supports that pairing over months or years. The volunteer is not a carer, a cleaner or a nurse. The job is company.

Most schemes offer one of three formats:

Home visits: usually one hour a week at the same time, at the older person's home.
Telephone befriending: a regular call of 30 to 45 minutes, ideal if you work odd shifts or cannot travel.
Group befriending: helping at a lunch club or coffee morning where isolated people come together.

Telephone schemes grew enormously after 2020 and many have stayed. Do not treat them as second best. For someone whose hearing is good but whose mobility is poor, a call every Tuesday at 11 can be the fixed point of the week.

Who Schemes Are Looking For

You do not need a background in care. What coordinators want is reliability, patience and good judgement about boundaries. In most schemes in the UK you will be asked for:

An application form and an informal interview, usually 30 to 60 minutes.
Two references, often one personal and one from work or study.
A criminal record check, which the scheme arranges and pays for.
Half a day of training covering safeguarding, communication and what to do if something worries you.
A commitment of at least six months to one year.

From first enquiry to first visit typically takes four to eight weeks, mostly waiting for checks. That delay puts some people off. It should not; it is the scheme doing its job.

The First Three Visits

Visit one

Your coordinator normally comes with you. The conversation is about practical things: what the person likes to talk about, any hearing or sight issues, whether they prefer you sit by the window or the fire. Expect it to feel slightly stiff. That is normal. Keep this first visit to 45 minutes rather than the full hour, agree the day and time for next week before you leave, and write it on their calendar if they keep one. A clear next date does more for trust than anything you say.

Visits two and three

This is where it either clicks or does not. Bring something to do rather than relying on conversation alone: a newspaper to discuss, old photos of the area from the library, a pack of cards. The pairings I have seen last longest usually found a shared activity early, whether that was the crossword, the football results or planning a bus trip to the market.

Why I Disagree With the Make It Feel Like Family Advice

New volunteers are often told to treat their match like a grandparent. It is kindly meant, but in my experience it causes more problems than it solves.

Family members lend money, run errands at short notice, swap personal phone numbers and drop by unannounced. A befriender should do none of those things without talking to the coordinator first. When volunteers drift into that role, two things happen. The older person starts to depend on them for things a befriender cannot sustain, and the volunteer burns out within months. I have seen lovely pairings end abruptly because a volunteer felt guilty about stepping back from a role that had quietly become unpaid care.

A better frame is a trusted friend with a regular appointment. Warm, consistent, and clear about what you are there to do. If you sense the role is growing beyond that, read our piece on avoiding volunteer burnout before it starts and speak to your coordinator early.

Boundaries That Protect Both of You

Situation	What most schemes ask
They offer you money or a gift	Politely decline anything beyond a cup of tea or a small token; tell the coordinator
They ask for your personal number	Use the scheme's contact route instead
You notice weight loss, falls or confusion	Report it the same day through the safeguarding process
They ask for help with paperwork or bills	Signpost to the scheme or an advice service; do not handle finances
You need to miss a visit	Tell them and the coordinator in advance, ideally with a date to make it up

Missed visits matter more than new volunteers realise. For someone whose week has one appointment in it, a cancellation without notice can wipe out the whole week.

Finding a Scheme Near You

Start with the obvious places. National charities for older people run befriending in many areas, and local volunteer centres keep lists of smaller schemes run by churches, mosques, housing associations and GP surgeries. Some surgeries now have social prescribing link workers who refer lonely patients to befriending, and they know exactly which local schemes are short of volunteers.

Ask three questions before you sign up: how often you will get supervision, what happens if the match does not work, and how the scheme ends a pairing if you move away. A good scheme answers all three clearly. If you start and the role turns out not to suit you, that is not a failure; our guide to what to do when a volunteer role turns out to be a bad fit covers how to leave well.

FAQ

How much time does befriending take each week?

Most schemes ask for one hour a week for a home visit or 30 to 45 minutes for a phone call, plus occasional supervision sessions and a short training day at the start.

Can I befriend someone if I am still at university or working full time?

Yes. Telephone befriending and weekend or evening visit slots are designed for exactly that. Many schemes actively want younger volunteers.

What if my match and I simply do not get on?

Tell your coordinator. Rematching is common and nobody is blamed. It is better to change early than to keep visiting out of duty.

Where to Start This Week

Call or email one local volunteer centre and ask which befriending schemes near you have a waiting list of older people. Choose home visits or phone calls based on the hour you can genuinely protect every week, not the one you hope to find. Then think of it as a standing appointment with a friend. More ideas for giving time in your area sit in our volunteering section.